Fear of the Unknown

I received an accommodations form today after talking to my Employee Relations Representative at work.

Again, PD, there is no way that I would have ever even began to think of needing anything like that. I used to think of accommodations as something so perverse. Like, why can’t you just come to work and do your job, with what they gave you? It’s not a big deal…. Eye roll.

Obviously I had no idea that accommodations meant more than asking for an ergonomic keyboard

Friend. Let me tell you. It’s a big deal!

When you wake up in the morning feeling so weak that you run into walls or barely want to lift the spoon of quick oats to your mouth, and once again have to argue with yourself, trying to convince yourself it wont be the end of the world to text your boss that you’re going to have to work from home, yet again. Even after being off for two weeks to get a handle on the disease that has a mind of its own, it is a big deal. It’s a HUGE deal.

As my bestie simply put it this weekend… Unless your job is saving lives, no job is that important.

Not to take anything from my colleagues, but my current job is not that important. I could work from home, and it would be fine. But, alas I am writing this entry freaking out of what to ask for and what not to ask for. How much “face time” is needed so there is no perception of me not completing my work? Even though there hasn’t been a time since all of this that I have not met a deadline or had anyone question if I was actually working. Some other members on my team, not so much… Sorry I’m just being honest. We’ve talked before of my type A personality. Does that sound like something that I would want looming over my head?

But, big business doesn’t always see it that way. Perception IS reality you guys. And we all know that if no one sees something being done, then in their mind it’s not.

Take for example me getting sick. Before all of this happened I was working on a project that would save the company quite a few million dollars. MILLION with an M! I had a partner, whom I love and am friends with, but lets face it I was doing a lot of the legwork to get ready for this summit that we were conducting. The summit happened, ran smoothly, we receive approval from upper management that the desired money saving changes were going to happen! A year and a half in the making, we got it changed! I was elated! And, then I got sick.

I couldn’t go to meetings, had to take time off for Dr. appointments and then had to take a vacation. When these changes were made, my name conveniently fell off the “who to congratulate “page and is now just my former partner. Am I mad, kind of, but at the same time, that’s the way the world works.

So needless to say asking for an accommodation of working from home, or anything else scares the living shit out of me. Will the perception of me not being there ruin my chances for future projects? Will the negative stigma that I am so terrified by become a reality? Should I go forth with the accommodation or should I scratch it, hope for the best and go to the office the next time I’m running into walls?

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