I used to pray to God, “God thank you for giving me these friendships, thank god for putting these people in my life!” A short time later those “friends”, as I so graciously called them; those friends were no longer able to hide their true intentions. Their smiles turned to grimaces, and I started to see fangs.
It’s laughable. That all this time I thought one thing. God was trying to show me. Tell me. Baby girl, why are you listening to Man? What is man? Man can change in an instant! Do one thing wrong and they are no longer on your side.
God, however is the same yesterday today and tomorrow. He will never leave you.
Why, oh why do we think that we need to have man understand us?
Something will happen and you’ll think, I have to call so and so… I have to get their opinion on this.
Now, don’t get me wrong. Do I do that? Umm, Le duh! I’m the first one to call one of my girls and dish. But, at the end of our chat session do I just take her word for it? Of course not, not all of it. I don’t give her all the power, and do exactly what she says.
That’s what we would call “the blind leading the blind” you feel me?
The reason for me bringing this up?
I was told very early in my diagnosis that I would lose “friends”. I would lose people who I thought were for me, just because I would become a burden in their eyes.
Let’s go down the list…
- I was no longer fun
- I’ve changed
- I no longer have the energy I once had to do xyz
- I no longer have the desire to talk about nonsense
Again,I have only so many spoons people. I can’t keep re-hashing the same thing over and over again, nor can I sit and entertain small talk or BS.
If you’re not too well versed on this spoon theory, I have included a link here
Is it mean? Maybe.
Am I telling the truth? Absolutely.
Now, I know this might be depressing to some of you. In fact I was told this by one of my girls the other day.
“Girl, I had to stop reading your blog, it was so sad.”
My thoughts on that?
It is sad. It’s very sad. Do I let that comment, or the fact that this is sad get me down?
Why would I let it, it’s a journey!
I have really great, amazing, I cannot believe this is my life days!
And then I have days that aren’t so great
It’s hard to walk, my entire body hurts, it takes me 2 hours to understand what an email says – ok that’s an exaggeration
but, you get the gist. Some days suck!
Back to what my original thought was. I feel like I got a little off track.
If I were to depend on man, man completely. I would be in a world of hurt fam.
You can’t let people get you down.
You can’t let their inability to realize that you’re amazing get the best of you.
If God is for us, who is against us?
And we all say together, Amen.