So… A lot has happened…Let’s see where did I leave off? Oh yes, I had just gotten my infusion and was on the way to China. If you don’t follow my Instagram or Facebook I ended up moving to Shanghai, China and have been here for about five months.
You might be thinking…
I guess these are all understandable questions, so what the hell, I’ll indulge you.
Let’s start with Why?
If I’m being completely honest I used my illness as a crutch. Don’t get me wrong I went through hell, but I somehow got it in my head that since I was sick I had to stay at the job I had, and the position I had because of all of these what ifs…
What if I can’t get another job?
What if I get another job and I relapse?
What if my disease gets worse?
What if I get a new job and the new insurance won’t approve the meds I’m on and I can’t afford them?
I thought it was just easier for me to stay where I was because of fear. It didn’t help that I had a whole string of managers and directors who were less than supportive and actually caused me more stress. Hence, more health problems than I’ve had during my four years of having this disease. There was one point I thought my disease was progressing because of the stress a certain manager gave me.
Hindsight really is 20/20.
So I realized after doing a lot of work on myself, and self – discovery that it can’t be as bad as it’s been, and if it is… well, I’ve been through hell before now I know what to do.
Okay, so why? Why the hell not? If it works out great, if after a year I hate it, miss fast food, cable, and Target too much I’ll go back to America… who cares.
I left the first week of September. After a whirlwind of selling almost everything but my sentimental belongings, shipping my car along with said belongings to Las Vegas to live in my parents’ garage, flying myself, and staying in Vegas for two days to tie up loose ends, and to see my parents one last time for a while. I got on a one-way flight to Shanghai. I arrived September 9th and started working September 13. Talk about no days off.
So, remember how I was concerned about getting to China? Well, I went on that trip to Shanghai to visit one of my best friends in April. I basically decided during the first few days there that Shanghai would be my next home, just like I did with Houston. I came back to the states focused on my possible new life, and looked into the biggest obstacle first- How the hell will I get my drugs ?- there was even a two-second moment of possibly going to Russia for my infusions… Haayyy Putin! Fun Fact- Ocrevus is not approved in Mainland China, so I will be coming back to Houston every 6 months until I figure something else out. I also started researching how to move to China, used the job agency recommended by my bestie, studied for and passed my TEFL certification and applied to jobs like a mad woman. I’m talking working all day, preparing for an interview at 9:30 pm (another fun fact, Houston is 13 hours behind China) going to bed and waking up to do it all over again most days. I interviewed the end of July, got an offer the middle of August, and left in September. When I say things moved fast, I mean super high speed fast!
It’s now been almost five months and I can’t believe how much my life has changed. How much I have learned about myself and have overcome, not only mentally, but physically here. Y’all, I knew exactly two words in Mandarin when I came here… Two! Hello and Thank you. I now know a whopping 6 on a good day, but I was able to come to a completely different country knowing one person, knowing two words and am making it work.
There have been some bad days I won’t lie, new symptoms and a lot more brain fog, but I’m figuring it out. There are definitely
some a lot of times where I think to myself ‘What in the entire fuck have I done?’ But guess what? I didn’t die, I’m still able to get my drugs- Thank God for the ACA!- Please, Leave it alone Y’all, please. Unless you can do something better than the car payment amount I’m paying a month to have it. Leave it alone. I’m learning how to trust myself on an entirely different level, using my brain more than I ever really thought or wanted to, but it’s good.
I reflect on the person I was over a year ago and I thank her for knowing things had to change, and being brave enough to do the work to allow me to be the person I am today. Don’t you fret baby girl, this is just the beginning of our beautiful wonderful life.
“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”
– Harvey MacKay